Searching for something, but not knowing what that "something" is.
Over the past 18 months or so, I've read a lot about Stoicism, mindfulness, psychology and the like. I've tried to keep the number of sources to less than a thousand out of fear that I was simply get inundated with conflicting information. Probably not the most prudent thing to do, but what the fuck do I know? That's the basis for this though as I don't much at all and I thought I would find some answers, but I don't even know what the question is.
I would imagine that this is very similar to a great number of other people. I'm not even sure what started it other than being inquisitive and being alive during a time when information is beyond easy to get. I'm happy that I did though because I find myself learning tiny tidbits of things that I tend to believe are useful to living a "better" life. Not even sure what "better" is supposed to mean...
That leads me to the supposed point of this post which is to simply talk about what it is that I think I'm doing with the effort that I'm putting in here.
“What matters most is how well you walk through the fire.”
Charles Bukowski wrote that and I lifted it from a Mark Manson post. I read Bukowski when I was in high school and that period of time after high school when most people are in college. You know college, right? That overpriced bullshit that modern American society seems to think is THE most valuable asset a young person can have? Yeah, well I didn't really get Bukowski at the time and I'm endeavoring to revisit his work soon.
At any rate, Manson is one of those sources that I've read and I find his work to be well thought out and generally easy to digest. In other words, any idiot can figure out what he's saying. Not everything that he writes resonates with me which is perfectly fine and part of the reason that I like his work. I'm blindly accepting everything that he says. But there have a been a few posts that did so more than others. The aforementioned as well as this and this. What I find with him is that because his material is so easy to digest that he tends to put a bit of finality into his writing. It's very black or white...or at least that what I get out of it.
I've also been reading Ryan Holiday from The Daily Stoic which lead me to Marcus Aurelius' Meditations as well as Seneca, Epictetus and others. There's an Irish psychologist who lives in the Alps whom I've become fond of. His name is Willie Horton and I would say that he's a practitioner of mindfulness. That's the easiest way to describe what he does. I like his meditation practice and his calming demeanor.
At any rate, to finally get around to the point...well, I don't know if I actually have one. I've been working on this blog for the better part of 4 or 5 hours just circling around a point without actually having one. Maybe that is the point though. What I think I'm doing with all of this is just looking for some sort of north star if you will. Not so much guidance, but a beacon on the horizon which I look to, know it's there and use it to stay the course.
I'm a terribly lazy person. Like, horrifically lazy. I could very well have undiagnosed ADD or something along those lines as I have such a hard time focusing on anything that I end up doing nothing. It's awful and I'm certain that laziness has caused so many of the apparent "problems" in my life; personally, professionally, philosophically...all of the "allys." That includes all of the things that I mentioned I've read about.
I'm curious what you do or use or read to stay the course. Could be anything, right? Please do not say use your children in this example because that's a given and you're not looking to your kids to help you steer the ship. They have no fucking clue what you're doing as it is.
Leave a comment, send an email, leave a voicemail at 617-65-RIP EM (617-657-4736). I'd love to hear from you.